I have always loved being a woman. It is fun and we really have many options. What I have discovered though is that most women don't realise how powerful they are and they don't use their power to have easier lives. Most women infact have given up their power or they think that men have more power than them. This is not to bash men or even criticise them. Men have physical power and that rocks but women have emotional power and that’s awesome. If you're in control of your emotions as a woman you are very powerful.
I used to think that I wasn't powerful. I lost control, screamed, cried and bullied any man whom I thought was being unfair to me. I got married at 24. I was so in love with my boyfriend and we had done the work. We are the couple that had discussed the kind of marriage we wanted, how many kids, how we respond to parents' need of our assistance, or siblings etc. We also had lived together for while so I thought I knew everything about my man. I wanted kids so I had even checked out how he handled little people and even how he treated people in need. He had passed with flying colours. After a year of marriage I was miserable. I couldn't understand how that could be. I even told my mom I wanted a divorce. I had gone back to college so I couldn't really afford to leave him and we had emigrated which meant I would have no help with child minding. I decided to stay while I finished my Masters. I also decided to find out what was going wrong. I started reading so I could understand how relationships work. I knew I didn't want to live in that environment and I also didn't want to grow up in that environment. I grew up in a happy home so I knew how valuable that was.
So I read, "Getting the love you want, a guide for couples" by Harville Hendrix, "Men are from mars, women are from Venus," by John Gray and others. I knew what I didn't want but from that I decided I wanted a home that was joyous, fun and full of love. I wanted to look forward going home everyday after work. I wanted to look forward to my husband coming home after work. While I was doing all that soul searching and work something clicked and I suddenly knew how to respond when I felt triggered by my husband. I stopped lashing out. I would tell him when I was unhappy about something but now I did it gracefully. I got better results so I kept improving on that. After 18 months we were back on our love path and enjoying each other. This time we had a better appreciation of each other because we now knew it was possible to lose it all. We survived the conflict stage.
Every day we rushed home to be together. We chatted and texted during the day and just enjoyed being together. We were both grateful for what we had. I remember after our 10th wedding anniversary and I was waiting for him to meet him so we could go home together. I was so excited to see him. I noticed it and I thought it was hilarious after so long. I was happy that I managed to get us back to a great flow. As it happened my husband got cancer and died. I was devastated but I survived and I am doing alright now.
During my grieving period I talked a lot about him and us as a couple. I learnt then that other couples never get out of the conflict stage. That other couples are not as happy as I assumed they were like we were. Learning that was an eye opener for me. I started looking back to see what it is that was so different about us? I remembered all the things that I did and I spent time reviewing and writing them down. Now I want to help other women use my secrets or tools to also have good and happy relationships.
I started Heart Candy Institute to do just that. At Heart Candy Institute we work with women on how to use their femininity as a power base to pursue their gifts and talents to bring value to their lives and others so that every time they "get a chance to be a WOW "!
