Monday, 31 July 2017

Opening Your Heart with Melody Chadamoyo

Part 1:7
Allowing yourself to be vulnerable and trusting your ability to open to your greater truth

Wednesday, 26 July 2017

What being a man means

What constitutes being a man? If I was to ask ten random men, and ten random women, I believe I would get 20 fairly different answers. There might be some similarities in what everyone considers to be "manly," but I would bet there would be enough differences, that most of us would step back and say "I hadn't thought of that."
For me, being a man first and foremost means owning my life the best that I can. The decisions that I make, I want to be my own, and that I have confidence in them. After all, the actions that make up the life you live are truly the most truthful description of who and what you are. You can talk a good game about anything. But in the end, you should judge yourself by your actions.
I'd like then to think, that the actions I perform every day are what make me a man.
For my family, it's putting my children first, ensuring that their basic needs are met and that I am good shepherd in this journey that they are on. Being compassionate to them, but also setting boundaries and consequences that help them grow into mature, considerate and independent adults is key to me feeling like I am being a good man.
For my community, it is about being engaged, and caring enough not just for friends and neighbors, but helping total strangers if and when I can, because that shows I am responsible to the world for helping it be a better place. I don't subscribe to the rugged individualist role when it comes to determining if I am living up to the man I envision myself to be. Charity, even if it is something as simple as a smile at the post office to a civil servant who is largely overlooked, to me is being a man.
For the workplace, being a man means having integrity, acting from a place of leadership and conviction, to both guide an organization to its goals, but also be a responsible citizen of the marketplace.
And then there is the role where "manliness" is perhaps most distinct, in opposition to a life partner. For me, being with a woman means that I walk that balance between being strong, supportive and directive when she needs me to take the lead, but also understanding that as a female, she very well might respond differently to situations, words, needs, emotions. There, it can be a tightrope, walking the line of projecting a "manliness" from a bygone era when "men were men," and being the softer, compassionate man I find so many women want today.
Being a man isn't easy today. I don't mind saying that. I am happy to hear from women and men whether they understand what I am saying here, and to discuss the role of men more. I think this is a healthy dialogue, and I know I learn more every time I open myself up and am vulnerable to discussions like this. But the world needs to discuss these things as so many men I know feel trapped in models of manliness that they feel compelled to subscribe to. I see couples struggling on both sides of the equation, where the scales alternate their balance between the "manly" man, and the more modern sensitive man society sometimes demands, and at other times mocks.
For now, I guess the easiest thing for me to do is simply be me. This is the man I am. It is the man I want my children, my lover, my community, to remember when I am long gone. I just want to be the best me I can be.
Guest Blogger; Richard D'Ambrosio
So ladies of have heard from the man himself. I believe we can only live together in harmony when we understand each other. What new things have you learnt about men you didn't already know? Do these things differ from your perceptions? Would you like to learn more about how men view the world?
Please leave a comment below.

Friday, 11 March 2016

Can men really be loyal?

Men value loyalty. Look at the way they would rather die than betray their team mates in football, their squad that they stick with to their own peril and how they stick to their friends no matter what. It is rare for men to go talking about what their friends have been doing to someone else even though they might not agree with what he is doing. This very dedicated loyalty. 

I am sure many women would argue that men don't know how to be loyal. Before a man is able to be loyal to you physically he has to feel loyal to you emotionally. This is tricky because most men are not emotionally aware. That means they feel very strongly but they are not always able to identify those emotions separately as women are able to. Of course there are some emotions like anger that are easier for them to identify.

If a man tells you things from his heart that are important to him that means he trusts you with his emotions. If you go and tell your friends about his vulnerable moments or if you use what he has said in a moment of anger to cause him pain, he will shut down. He will not trust you with his emotions again.

When you find that your man used to confide his hopes and dreams to you and he stopped. It usually means he feels betrayed by you. You will need to work really hard to get him to trust you again. Now if you want him to continue telling you how he really feels regularly, then he needs
to feel that he can come to you and tell you his deepest emotional stuff and be who he really is and you will be on his side.

 I learnt this lesson the hard way. My husband had problems getting along with some members of his family and I thought avoiding them was best so I used to give him a hard time every time he decided to go visit them. What he needed me to do was to understand that he needed to interact with these people  instead of making him feel bad and saying how weak he was to waste some of his time with these people, I was just supposed to be there for him and supported him. Once I figured that it was his decision and it was more helpful to be supportive than judging we had more harmony between us and like wise he always had my back.
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Wednesday, 24 February 2016

The most powerful way to get men to tell you how they feel

Men are a puzzle to women. The biggest puzzle about men is that they don't like to open up and show you how they really feel. There are many reasons for this and some of them go back to our caveman days. Even in today's society with all the technology that is available no one really knows how another person thinks. 

If you're a woman it is more complicated because men seem like a whole different species. The first step to get a man to open up to you is if you're being authentic.
Be who you are at all times. If you pretend to like something and you really don't he will know just like when you know if he is holding back on you. 

When you're being authentic then he feels safe enough that if you can be open to him then he can also be open with you. I found that my husband used to tell me all these important things at very odd times. Some of the stuff were painful things that would have happened and I chose to be kind to him. I understood his need to tell me and if I couldn't do anything I just held him. Don't judge him for who he is and practice acceptance and love at all times.

Men are physically strong and sometimes you don't realise how vulnerable they are emotionally. Allow them to be and be supportive. Don't be the kind of person who only thinks your problem is bigger than everyone else's. Be willing to give them what they need even if you don't understand it. 

Tau used to ask me to sit so he could look at me because he enjoyed looking at me. Even though I didn't understand it at the time I allowed him his pleasure. With time I got to understand it and his trust for me grew.
Be generous with yourself and your time.
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