How I learnt to receive love from a man

Growing up my dad trained us girls to be self reliant. He used to say, "I don't want you to need a man." So we learnt to fix the car with him, slaughter and skin a goat, fix the stove and iron when they broke down and we even put a concrete slab by ourselves just outside the kitchen door. Our mom was not feminine in the way I have discovered most women are. The only decorative thing on our wall was a mirror she got as a gift from a cousin. She dressed really well but she was also really not like most women. She wasn't fussily female at all. I was self dependent and I never thought there was anything I couldn't do for myself. Having said that dad made sure mom was always taken care of. Her shoes were polished by him or us. When she was on night shift being a nurse we knew never to make noise enough that would wake her up. We made sure even the people who passed by our house did so quietly.


So fast forward after I got married. First thing was the light bulb needed changing. I got a chair, climbed up and changed the bulb. I think I probably asked him to pass me the new one. After I had finished I noticed that he looked a little sad. He never said anything. When I did it for the second time the sadness doubled. I realised that by doing that I was saying I didn't need him. From then on I would ask him to fix things that needed fixing and he was great about doing them. He washed dishes as well so I didn't have to do them which would interfere with his need to spend time looking at me or because I would have cooked. We became a team. We complimented each other even with chores. He loved to hoover so he did. I ironed and cooked sometimes. Most of the time we did things together as well. I learnt that loving him meant going to the supermarket together. We used that time to reconnect by filling each other up with what would've been happening during the week. We laughed, I danced down the isle which made him laugh.
Men want to do things for you if they really care about you. He would drive all night to bring you firewood or just to see you. He would take care of you when you're sick, carry you to the bathroom and wash your body for you when you can't. He would make sure you're wearing warm socks so your feet are not cold. His face would get so fearful if your life is threatened in any way. What you have to learn to do is to receive his way of showing you love. You need to show you need him and be grateful for his gestures. Take it the way he does it even if it looks awkward and not how you would do it and he would treasure you for valuing his contribution to you. Men also want to be needed. Help them by receiving with grace.