What being a man means

What constitutes being a man? If I was to ask ten random men, and ten random women, I believe I would get 20 fairly different answers. There might be some similarities in what everyone considers to be "manly," but I would bet there would be enough differences, that most of us would step back and say "I hadn't thought of that."

 

For me, being a man first and foremost means owning my life the best that I can. The decisions that I make, I want to be my own, and that I have confidence in them. After all, the actions that make up the life you live are truly the most truthful description of who and what you are. You can talk a good game about anything. But in the end, you should judge yourself by your actions.

 

I'd like then to think, that the actions I perform every day are what make me a man.

 

For my family, it's putting my children first, ensuring that their basic needs are met and that I am good shepherd in this journey that they are on. Being compassionate to them, but also setting boundaries and consequences that help them grow into mature, considerate and independent adults is key to me feeling like I am being a good man.

 

For my community, it is about being engaged, and caring enough not just for friends and neighbors, but helping total strangers if and when I can, because that shows I am responsible to the world for helping it be a better place. I don't subscribe to the rugged individualist role when it comes to determining if I am living up to the man I envision myself to be. Charity, even if it is something as simple as a smile at the post office to a civil servant who is largely overlooked, to me is being a man.

 

For the workplace, being a man means having integrity, acting from a place of leadership and conviction, to both guide an organization to its goals, but also be a responsible citizen of the marketplace.

 

And then there is the role where "manliness" is perhaps most distinct, in opposition to a life partner. For me, being with a woman means that I walk that balance between being strong, supportive and directive when she needs me to take the lead, but also understanding that as a female, she very well might respond differently to situations, words, needs, emotions. There, it can be a tightrope, walking the line of projecting a "manliness" from a bygone era when "men were men," and being the softer, compassionate man I find so many women want today.

 

Being a man isn't easy today. I don't mind saying that. I am happy to hear from women and men whether they understand what I am saying here, and to discuss the role of men more. I think this is a healthy dialogue, and I know I learn more every time I open myself up and am vulnerable to discussions like this. But the world needs to discuss these things as so many men I know feel trapped in models of manliness that they feel compelled to subscribe to. I see couples struggling on both sides of the equation, where the scales alternate their balance between the "manly" man, and the more modern sensitive man society sometimes demands, and at other times mocks.

 

For now, I guess the easiest thing for me to do is simply be me. This is the man I am. It is the man I want my children, my lover, my community, to remember when I am long gone. I just want to be the best me I can be.

Guest Blogger; Richard D'Ambrosio

 

So ladies of have heard from the man himself. I believe we can only live together in harmony when we understand each other. What new things have you learnt about men you didn't already know? Do these things differ from your perceptions? Would you like to learn more about how men view the world?

Please leave a comment below.

Global Party Healing from inside out

Can men really be loyal?

Men value loyalty. Look at the way they would rather die than betray their team mates in football, their squad that they stick with to their own peril and how they stick to their friends no matter what. It is rare for men to go talking about what their friends have been doing to someone else even though they might not agree with what he is doing. This very dedicated loyalty. 

I am sure many women would argue that men don't know how to be loyal. Before a man is able to be loyal to you physically he has to feel loyal to you emotionally. This is tricky because most men are not emotionally aware. That means they feel very strongly but they are not always able to identify those emotions separately as women are able to. Of course there are some emotions like anger that are easier for them to identify.

If a man tells you things from his heart that are important to him that means he trusts you with his emotions. If you go and tell your friends about his vulnerable moments or if you use what he has said in a moment of anger to cause him pain, he will shut down. He will not trust you with his emotions again.

When you find that your man used to confide his hopes and dreams to you and he stopped. It usually means he feels betrayed by you. You will need to work really hard to get him to trust you again. Now if you want him to continue telling you how he really feels regularly, then he needs

to feel that he can come to you and tell you his deepest emotional stuff and be who he really is and you will be on his side.

 I learnt this lesson the hard way. My husband had problems getting along with some members of his family and I thought avoiding them was best so I used to give him a hard time every time he decided to go visit them. What he needed me to do was to understand that he needed to interact with these people  instead of making him feel bad and saying how weak he was to waste some of his time with these people, I was just supposed to be there for him and supported him. Once I figured that it was his decision and it was more helpful to be supportive than judging we had more harmony between us and like wise he always had my back.
Please leave a comment. If you need coaching contact me on heartpassioninstitute@gmail.com.

The most powerful way to get men to tell you how they feel

Men are a puzzle to women. The biggest puzzle about men is that they don't like to open up and show you how they really feel. There are many reasons for this and some of them go back to our caveman days. Even in today's society with all the technology that is available no one really knows how another person thinks. 

If you're a woman it is more complicated because men seem like a whole different species. The first step to get a man to open up to you is if you're being authentic.

Be who you are at all times. If you pretend to like something and you really don't he will know just like when you know if he is holding back on you. 

When you're being authentic then he feels safe enough that if you can be open to him then he can also be open with you. I found that my husband used to tell me all these important things at very odd times. Some of the stuff were painful things that would have happened and I chose to be kind to him. I understood his need to tell me and if I couldn't do anything I just held him. Don't judge him for who he is and practice acceptance and love at all times.

Men are physically strong and sometimes you don't realise how vulnerable they are emotionally. Allow them to be and be supportive. Don't be the kind of person who only thinks your problem is bigger than everyone else's. Be willing to give them what they need even if you don't understand it. 

Tau used to ask me to sit so he could look at me because he enjoyed looking at me. Even though I didn't understand it at the time I allowed him his pleasure. With time I got to understand it and his trust for me grew.
Be generous with yourself and your time.
If you enjoyed this, please leave a comment. If you require a coach get in touch at heartpassioninstitute@gmail.com.

When light and ice collide they create a rainbow

Recently in Dublin we had an interesting weather phenomenon. It looked so beautiful and my kids wondered if we were looking at Northern Lights! It was that spectacular and a wonder to wake up to. I later learnt that, "The iridescent clouds are a diffraction phenomenon caused by low winter sunlight bouncing off small ice crystals in the clouds and scattering the light to create a pattern similar to rainbows although in a different pattern." 

It made me think of what happens when a person closes their heart from being hurt again. When you do that you're also closing love off yourself and your heart becomes like a frozen lake waiting to thaw. Nothing can get out and nothing can get in.

But if you just take time everyday to feel your heart and breathe through it light starts to filter in like in the clouds. You will feel love for yourself, the most magical thing because that is the source of life and of real living. You will create a magical rainbow that allows you to feel love more and more.

You won't have to look for a silver lining because there will always be rainbow. 

 Once you feel that love for yourself then you are full enough to share it with another person. Isn't that exciting?


I love comments and feedback. If you want to go deeper with this send me an email heartcandyy@gmail.com.

Do you allow Brules to determine how you live your life?

There are many ideas that come through the media like January 19th is Depression day because most people have stopped doing their new year's resolutions and they feel bad about it or that January 4th is divorce day. It is the day most couples file for divorce because  of the added stress from the holidays and Christmas would have been the last straw.

I would think spending time together would make couples feel closer but that is not the case according to research. I find this very sad. Why do I find this sad? Because it doesn't have to be that way at all. We have all bought into this Brule or Bull shit rule  according to Vishen Lakhiani,  that couples have to take out all the stress on each other. That love only lasts for a very short time and then it sucks and that love is frustrating and painful.
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What if I were to tell you that there is another way and it is not finding another partner at all. Actually research has shown that even though in most Western countries 50% of first marriages end in divorce 63 % of second and 72% of third marriages also end in divorce.

In other words you can't get rid of your problems by running away. I used to think running and finding someone else was the answer too. You need to do something about the problems or issues and it is not what you think.

Start by being authentic to yourself. What do you value? What is important to you? Why is this relationship important to you? Why is this issue important to you? After reading this take pen and paper or whatever you use for writing and answer those questions. You cannot be successfully in a relationship with another person unless you know the answers to those questions.

When you know this then you will be able to stand in your truth and be who you really are. When you're being who you are authentically everyone around you will respect that. This also gives you the freedom to allow people to be who they really are with you without feeling the need to conform to your ideals. This is real freedom and love.

Whenever I found myself irritable and getting annoyed with my husband I would do something fun for myself. Sometimes it was to just to hang out with my friends not to bash him but to connect and laugh at silly things, watch a comedy or spend time with my sisters or my mom. This always made me feel happy and less irritable. I know when I feel good I am more patient and generous. Try that and see what happens.

 I can help you figure out why you're standing in your way of happiness and what you can do about it so that you can enjoy your ideal relationship.  I can show you how to turn your spouse into the great man or woman you married several years ago. When I walk you through the secrets you will wonder why you never thought of them before because they are so simple to do but they will transform your life. Are you ready?.........

Send me an email at heartcandyy@gmail.com and I can help you make your relationships awesome.

Male brain is programmed to seek out sex over food

Brain cells specific to men fire up when mates are present and override the need to eat, scientists have found

It is said that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, but a new study suggests that when it comes to sex, food is the last thing on his mind.

Researchers have found that the male brain is hardwired to seek out sex, even at the expense of a good meal, with specific neurons firing up to over-ride the desire to eat.

Intriguingly, women do not have the same neurons, suggesting that sex for females comes secondary to sustenance.

Although the neurons have only been found in the brains of nematode worms, scientists at University College London say that it is likely that similar mechanisms are at work in humans.

And it is proof that male and female brains are wired differently, a controversial subject, which has been argued by scientists and feminists for decades.

Co-author Professor Scott Emmons, from the Departments of Genetics and Neuroscience at Albert Einstein College of Medicine, said: "Though the work is carried out in a small worm, it nevertheless gives us a perspective that helps us appreciate and possibly understand the variety of human sexuality, sexual orientation, and gender identification.

"Although we have not looked in humans, it is plausible that the male human brain has types of neurons that the female brain doesn't, and vice versa. This may change how the two sexes perceive the world and their behavioural priorities."

The team were surprised to find the new cells because the worms have been studied by extensively in the past and it is the first time they have been spotted.

The newly identified neurons have been dubbed MCMs or 'mystery cells of the male'

The worm species used in the study, Caenorhabditis elegans, has two sexes: males and hermaphrodites.

These hermaphrodites are essentially modified females that carry their own sperm and do not need to have sex in order to reproduce.

Scientists conditioned the worms so that when salt was present they realised that they would be starved. Over time, the worms moved away from the salt. However when the salt was present at the same time as a mate, the male worm still moved towards the mate. In contrast, hermaphrodites moved away from the salt even when a mate was present.

It indicated that for males the sex trigger was stronger than the salt.

"Areas of the brain involved in learning display sex differences in many animals, including humans, but how these differences directly affect behaviour is not clear,” said senior author Dr Arantza Barrios of UCL’s Cell & Deveopmental Biology department.

"We've shown how genetic and developmental differences between the two sexes lead to structural changes in the brain of male worms during sexual maturation.

“These changes make male brains work differently, allowing males to remember previous sexual encounters and prioritise sex in future situations."

I guess it's not true that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach.

The research was published in the journal Nature.

Telegraph.co.uk. Article from Irish Independent 14/10/15